Wednesday, April 7, 2010
One Year ago
One year ago yesterday was the day I started to loose my eye site. I have to say, that this was the day that I was dreading for the past little while. The doctors often have told me that a lot of people can loose their eye site for a few weeks, sometimes months, and even up to a year, and if might come back! Although I was told a few months ago that the loss of eye site was permanent, I was still hoping that somehow there would be a miracle, and that I would get my eye site back. Yesterday was kinda that day that really rang true to me. That now that my "one year mark" has hit, there is most likely no hope in getting site back.
My mom was asking me yesterday, why I choose not to talk about it, why I don't bring it up much ... and to be honest ... it is because some days it just reminds me that I have a handicap, and often I choose to ignore it. Most days I don't even remember that I have a condition, or that my life has changed this past year, but other days it hits me over the head like a 2 x 4 and overwhelms me. Luckily I was so engulfed in a deadline for work and sick kiddos, that I didn't have much time to think about it yesterday. But as I sit and write today, I wonder why was it that this happened to me? But more, I try to focus on what this trial has done for me.
I have become more understanding of others with handicaps.
I have become less patient with myself, hoping to finish as much as I possibly can, in case I can't do something tomorrow. (My sister's often ask me what I am on because I am HYPER ACTIVE!)
I have started to understand that the Lord has his own time table, and my timetable doesn't parallel his at times.
I have become more aware of time with my husband, my kids, and my family.
I have become more reliant on the Lord.
I have come to understand his atonement more.
I have started to come to understand my self.
I have a long way to go.
Right now, I will try my best to just look on the bright side. I have one eye and that is better than no site at all!